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недеља, 13. мај 2018.

Put-downs

This will easily be THE most important thing I have ever wrote. It is one of the most important things I was thought and it's safe to say that it changed me dramatically.

I am not going to lie to you. This is hard.

I heard about this specific problem almost two years ago, and I have been hearing about its related problems before and after that. I am nowhere near of resolving this. I can't still help myself.  It is a poisonous, venomous thing in my, and our blood, that needs to be removed . Or it will devour us. From the inside.



Let me define it really quickly. Put-down is an act of humiliating someone. This definition is related to psychology, more accurately, to rankism. In some other disciplines, such as communications skills theory, put-down has the same meaning but is also related specifically to insulting someone, basing our insults on physical appearance of one being insulted.

Now that we know that, why is that important? Answer is- because we all do that.

I mention rankism above. At its core, rankism is assertion of superiority. It is, most of the time, done trough put-downs. We put people down so we can feel better.

Biologically speaking, it is in our nature.  Apes do it and so do we. Its biological root is in a very nature of humans- we are predators.  And not just any predators- we are at the top of the chain! We are always preying on others. Think about slavery. Think about colonization. Eye-popping examples, right? And those are just a two on the list that goes on.

Through rankism, we institutionalize predation. And then we justify it. We need an excuse because we do it. We put down, fulfilling our predator nature, and then we justify it. As colonizers or slavers once did.



We need to put down so we can feel safe, feel better and feel that threat is removed. Yes, we as predators want to remove threats and, unfortunately, predators prey on weak. Now think about other forms of rankism- racism, homophobia, sexism... Deep down, we feel threatened by those groups, so we go after them.

Yes, threatened. We aim to eliminate competition. We fix the game we are playing so that we can win. We, for instance,  did not want women as our competition, for better jobs for example. If there are less people, our chances are naturally bigger.



At this point, I am quite sure you understand why put-downs are bad. They are behind great evils that struck humanity.

There is no valid excuse for putting down(and as we saw, humanity does nothing but searching for excuses for abuse). Never should we put down, even if we think that someone deserves it.

And fortunately, humanity does find a way out. Weak become strong, unfortunately trough natural selection forced by abuse, but they do. They prevail. We have put an end to slavery, colonisation and many more forms of rankism, and we will continue to do so.

As an individuals, we should focus on ourselves.  We are the ones that need to stop to put down. To open our minds for diversity. For those that are weak and need help. That does not start with racism  or any other major social problem.

It ends there.

We first need to stop judging and insulting people based on physical look. Just think how hurtful that is- we judge a weight, clothes, height, skin color. Some of that we can change but big part of it we cannot. In essence, we are hurting someone and they can do nothing but feel bad because they cannot change that, at the moment or at all. Just picture yourself at the prom wearing an outfit prepared for months and someone calls you fat.

They ruined your night and that is the way we ruin someone's life. So avoid insulting physical look.



That is the start. Then you move on and one day, you are capable of understanding a bigger picture and why you are not supposed to judge skin color, sexual orientation, religion etc.

It is hard. We need to be better than others, we love rankings. It is tempting. And it is easy to find excuse. But try not to. You can be a victim one day. Predators among us understand how to prey and can hunt you down too. So try to understand your prey and to help them. Might feel better than hunting down.

Now that you know all of this, go and make a difference.  

петак, 06. април 2018.

The one

Is there only one love for us? Do we all get one real love in life that is bigger than the others? Does it make previous love we felt, or we thought we felt for that matter, false?
Do we, once we settle down with someone, settle down to think we will not find bigger love and that we have not ever felt love so big?

We do learn how to love. We do grow and we do mature, and the way we love does mature with us. Does is mean we have to mature to get happily ever after? Does that mean than strong love in immature age will not be as good as the one we could have later?

When do we think, "not one of them, the one"? And do all of us ever get to feel that? We do know it. We do know when it is real. Or, at least, we should. But when we know we have a real deal, what is it that happens to other real deals we thought we had?

One love per life might be too big for us. It may be too big to except. And some of us may not magically find it. Some of us might just build it.  Because love is built.  We build it with our family, our friends, our jobs and so can we with our lovers .

So, yeah, there is the one. The one love for job, friends, for partner. But only one just in manner of being unique. For each unique job or friend . Because we do build different connection and so we build a different, "the one" love. 

понедељак, 26. март 2018.

Spent

There comes the point in our lives when you spend the things you once loved.  City becomes old, places in it- ruined. You have ruined it with bad memories and it hurts to come back to those places; you have ruined it with good memories as you fear you will not be able to relieve them or repeat them with someone else and it just becomes pointless to try to enjoy them so much.

So you walk the street. You walk by river. You sit on the same place, with the same view.. But nothing really is the same.

We unfortunately tend to spend frienships.. We tend to ghost someone we cared about or cancel on them just to have some more fun with others.. We also tend to be spent, but the worse part is- we tend to spend emotions that make friendships and just live it be.. Just leave it, dead and unspoken.

We tend to spend love or not invest in it at all. We grow tired of someone. We grow tired of trying. We stop filling in love and stop trying to deepen or relationship and just move on. As if moving on will find us someone new that we will be in love forever. Love is felt and should be simple. But greatest secret of love is that love is built. It is built over time spans- moments, days,  years.. It is built over emotions and it is built over us trying to make someone as happy as we can. Then we will easily be granted with the same.

Parents do not give up on misbehaving children. They try to correct them. They nevertheless give them their love and not give up on them. No parent stops loving a child if their relationship does not work. Why then do we stop trying if our love for others stops working?

Spending and leaving are indeed easier. But running away from problems will not fix them. They will just reappear under different circumstances . Where your problems are- that is where you should be.

Yes, you have to let something go and yes- it sometimes is better to let things fall apart for better to come. But not without a fight   

четвртак, 08. фебруар 2018.

Lights Down Low

And to see you, see you from behind, from very far. As far as it could be, together only in the imagination. Together only when you held my hand, but to never kiss, to never touch and only to be mine by dream.

To wait the bus with you, to wait at that station. To pray for rain and dark so you cannot walk with him, but join me and wait, to eat popcorn and at the end, the moment came when i realized I was waiting for you the whole time. Would kiss that bus gladly now.

To admire you, to seek what you are. To envy those who have you. And there was always someone. To gather courage to tell you, to kiss you and brake; brake my heart, desires and to wait to fix it. To kiss you and lose you when I had no idea what was having and what was loosing.
To hide your gifts and took a shower so many times just to hide.

To hunt you. To prey on you. Study you and approach you. Get away from you and wait to you to bring me back. Hide with you. Hide and suffer, then to gain courage to leave you, but it was you who left me really. It destroyed us and brought us both what we wanted but with other people and only you were brave and took it.

To be happy. Happiest ever. I was down, I was on my own. Then you came. Then you looked me across that field and smiled.  To give you jacket because you were cold. To play pool, to play chess. To walk with you, to talk to you. Your beautiful voice that told me to tell you a story. To see this city for the first time actually. To kiss and hold your hand. To sleep so peacefully next to you. To hug you when you asked and when you did not. That look, I will never forget the way looked at me. To walk you to station and wave to you, kiss you then and pray to kiss you again some time. It has been so long. It has been so long since.. since.. La vie en rose.

To see you so close. and so far. No one ever was that close and that far. I pictured you long before I met you and met you in others. We knew each other and never truly did. Pictured you and always watching you, listening to you and praying you will come to your senses. To go to distance. It has been too much, and when it is, you were there. Heaven made match. And match that waited for nothing..


Like I often do.. I wait.. No matter you come or, more often, not. I am there..Till the end of the line. Till lights come down low.

понедељак, 11. децембар 2017.

Condolences

Lack of intellect. Lack of luck. Poverty. Short leg, short hand, short man. No weight, no eye, no finger. No friends. No family. Different skin, different religion. Different language, nationality, different clothes. No clothes, no vacations. No social skills, no girlfriend, no boyfriend, no life. Misfits, lost, forgotten, alone. Different.

We all mock them. We all consider ourselves better then them. We judge them, considering them below us. And feel better by doing so. The more insecure we are the more we mock those who are at tough position. The more we laugh at their face or behind their backs, the better we feel about ourselves. The less we know, the more we judge.



Instead of helping them, we laugh. Instead of protecting them, we attack. Why do we feel better when someone feels worse? Why is it a pleasure to know there is a misfortune that is not ours? Why do we need to feel superior, and why by pointing at someone's problems? Problems that they can't solve nor ignore.

Have they not enough pain? They don't need to be reminded of their suffering, but aided. Let us mock those who humiliate sick, poor, stupid, physically different, ones of different nations and religions, those who have no friends, those who have come from small to bigger world, those who need us more than we think. Let us help those we can help or stay out of the way of those we can't.

It only takes a little bit. It always does.