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петак, 06. април 2018.

The one

Is there only one love for us? Do we all get one real love in life that is bigger than the others? Does it make previous love we felt, or we thought we felt for that matter, false?
Do we, once we settle down with someone, settle down to think we will not find bigger love and that we have not ever felt love so big?

We do learn how to love. We do grow and we do mature, and the way we love does mature with us. Does is mean we have to mature to get happily ever after? Does that mean than strong love in immature age will not be as good as the one we could have later?

When do we think, "not one of them, the one"? And do all of us ever get to feel that? We do know it. We do know when it is real. Or, at least, we should. But when we know we have a real deal, what is it that happens to other real deals we thought we had?

One love per life might be too big for us. It may be too big to except. And some of us may not magically find it. Some of us might just build it.  Because love is built.  We build it with our family, our friends, our jobs and so can we with our lovers .

So, yeah, there is the one. The one love for job, friends, for partner. But only one just in manner of being unique. For each unique job or friend . Because we do build different connection and so we build a different, "the one" love. 

понедељак, 26. март 2018.

Spent

There comes the point in our lives when you spend the things you once loved.  City becomes old, places in it- ruined. You have ruined it with bad memories and it hurts to come back to those places; you have ruined it with good memories as you fear you will not be able to relieve them or repeat them with someone else and it just becomes pointless to try to enjoy them so much.

So you walk the street. You walk by river. You sit on the same place, with the same view.. But nothing really is the same.

We unfortunately tend to spend frienships.. We tend to ghost someone we cared about or cancel on them just to have some more fun with others.. We also tend to be spent, but the worse part is- we tend to spend emotions that make friendships and just live it be.. Just leave it, dead and unspoken.

We tend to spend love or not invest in it at all. We grow tired of someone. We grow tired of trying. We stop filling in love and stop trying to deepen or relationship and just move on. As if moving on will find us someone new that we will be in love forever. Love is felt and should be simple. But greatest secret of love is that love is built. It is built over time spans- moments, days,  years.. It is built over emotions and it is built over us trying to make someone as happy as we can. Then we will easily be granted with the same.

Parents do not give up on misbehaving children. They try to correct them. They nevertheless give them their love and not give up on them. No parent stops loving a child if their relationship does not work. Why then do we stop trying if our love for others stops working?

Spending and leaving are indeed easier. But running away from problems will not fix them. They will just reappear under different circumstances . Where your problems are- that is where you should be.

Yes, you have to let something go and yes- it sometimes is better to let things fall apart for better to come. But not without a fight   

четвртак, 08. фебруар 2018.

Lights Down Low

And to see you, see you from behind, from very far. As far as it could be, together only in the imagination. Together only when you held my hand, but to never kiss, to never touch and only to be mine by dream.

To wait the bus with you, to wait at that station. To pray for rain and dark so you cannot walk with him, but join me and wait, to eat popcorn and at the end, the moment came when i realized I was waiting for you the whole time. Would kiss that bus gladly now.

To admire you, to seek what you are. To envy those who have you. And there was always someone. To gather courage to tell you, to kiss you and brake; brake my heart, desires and to wait to fix it. To kiss you and lose you when I had no idea what was having and what was loosing.
To hide your gifts and took a shower so many times just to hide.

To hunt you. To prey on you. Study you and approach you. Get away from you and wait to you to bring me back. Hide with you. Hide and suffer, then to gain courage to leave you, but it was you who left me really. It destroyed us and brought us both what we wanted but with other people and only you were brave and took it.

To be happy. Happiest ever. I was down, I was on my own. Then you came. Then you looked me across that field and smiled.  To give you jacket because you were cold. To play pool, to play chess. To walk with you, to talk to you. Your beautiful voice that told me to tell you a story. To see this city for the first time actually. To kiss and hold your hand. To sleep so peacefully next to you. To hug you when you asked and when you did not. That look, I will never forget the way looked at me. To walk you to station and wave to you, kiss you then and pray to kiss you again some time. It has been so long. It has been so long since.. since.. La vie en rose.

To see you so close. and so far. No one ever was that close and that far. I pictured you long before I met you and met you in others. We knew each other and never truly did. Pictured you and always watching you, listening to you and praying you will come to your senses. To go to distance. It has been too much, and when it is, you were there. Heaven made match. And match that waited for nothing..


Like I often do.. I wait.. No matter you come or, more often, not. I am there..Till the end of the line. Till lights come down low.

понедељак, 11. децембар 2017.

Condolences

Lack of intellect. Lack of luck. Poverty. Short leg, short hand, short man. No weight, no eye, no finger. No friends. No family. Different skin, different religion. Different language, nationality, different clothes. No clothes, no vacations. No social skills, no girlfriend, no boyfriend, no life. Misfits, lost, forgotten, alone. Different.

We all mock them. We all consider ourselves better then them. We judge them, considering them below us. And feel better by doing so. The more insecure we are the more we mock those who are at tough position. The more we laugh at their face or behind their backs, the better we feel about ourselves. The less we know, the more we judge.



Instead of helping them, we laugh. Instead of protecting them, we attack. Why do we feel better when someone feels worse? Why is it a pleasure to know there is a misfortune that is not ours? Why do we need to feel superior, and why by pointing at someone's problems? Problems that they can't solve nor ignore.

Have they not enough pain? They don't need to be reminded of their suffering, but aided. Let us mock those who humiliate sick, poor, stupid, physically different, ones of different nations and religions, those who have no friends, those who have come from small to bigger world, those who need us more than we think. Let us help those we can help or stay out of the way of those we can't.

It only takes a little bit. It always does. 

четвртак, 09. новембар 2017.

Stations

I've always hated stations. Full of people striving to be somewhere else. Me among them. Then you came.

Where is a home when you always need to go? Where is safety once you get hurt? Will a place make you happy or you need to move? Will you find what you need or is it just a lie? What if what you find is not somewhere else?

Do we all need a new chapter after some time, or it stops? What if we settle down but one day wake  up full of regrets because that? And when do you know you've found what you want?

Does a constant need to go ever stops? Is it stopped by a place, by a people or by an outcome? When does it stop to hurt every time you step on the station, buy a ticket and move?



Every station full of people, every man you see there needing not to be there but somewhere else.

Those that don't need to go are like lions-they let the young ones play. They let the young ones bite them and they scream, pretending they are hurt, to encourage kids. They don't get up, just take the hit. The other aninals approach, thinking they can do the same, that they can bite lion. But when the lions stands up, we all know who is the king

Those who don't need to go are like monkeys reaching for moon. They look at it, unable to grab it. The same is for people-those that go always need to go often find themselves reaching untouchable moon. And we all know what happens to a monkey when it reaches for a moon's reflection in a lake-monkey drowns.

I stopped hating stations. Then you left.